Relatively stressed: How to cope with family-related tensions this Christmas

As much as we all want Christmas to revolve around perfect presents, tasty food and drink, no work, and leisure time to be spent with close family and friends, it can be a psychologically tense and stressful time even among the most happy and well-adjusted families.

Not only is there the crowded shopping, the writing of copious Christmas cards, the wrapping of presents, and the travelling, but there is often the extra burden of obligatory extended family staying and/or visiting. Patience can be pushed to the outer limit throughout the festive period. Trying to satisfy multiple family members all of who have different needs is difficult at best.

Additionally, family reunions have the potential to bring about a range of deep- rooted emotions including jealousy, resentment, competitiveness, and (sibling) rivalry. Expectations may not be met. Instead of joy and happiness we may feel stressed, hurt and/or exhausted. So how do you cope with the family-related stresses and strains during the festive period? Here are my top ten tips.

  • Keep expectations of time spent with family hopeful but realistic – You may not be able to change your family’s dynamics, but at least be aware of how your family can affect your psychological mood state. Some relatives may use the Christmas family reunion to play out family dynamics or re-enact old sibling rivalries. Knowing the problems you might expect from particular family members makes them easier to deal with should they arise. If possible, find ways to shorten or eliminate the family experiences that put you in a bad, anxious or depressed mood.
  • Make your family time count – Instead of watching television or DVDs for hours on end, do something together as a family. Go for a walk after the Christmas dinner, play a karaoke video game, play a board game or a parlour game like charades. Basically, do anything where you have to interact with each other. Even making the Christmas dinner could be a communal activity where each adult and child has a specific job.
  • Drink alcohol in moderationAlcohol can be a double-edged sword so be mindful when drinking with family members. Alcohol’s disinhibiting effect can help facilitate friendly family interaction but drinking too much during family gatherings can sometimes lead to saying things that we later regret.
  • Don’t take everything personally – The ability to step back from a stressful situation caused by a family member is a skill to be cultivated. Remember that any family member is an individual with moods and desires that are separate from their relationship with you. If something really irritates or stresses you, think about what triggered the feeling, then try to let it go and don’t take it personally.
  • Take time out every day – Stress at Christmas time can sometimes arise just because there is a house full of people with little opportunity for “me” time. Try to find time in the day to do something on your own. Go for a brisk walk, pop to the newsagents, have a long bath, tidy up the kitchen while listening to a soccer match or the Ashes, or put your headphones on and listen to your favourite music. Do anything that gives you that much needed little ‘time out’ for the day.
  • Be organized – Sounds easy but good organization can often be the key to a hassle-free day. Starting out each day with some kind of ‘game plan’ can help alleviate the typical stress that arises from the Christmas family politics.
  • Be assertive – Again, easier said than done but learning the power of how to be politely assertive and just saying ‘no’ when faced with family obligations over Christmas can pay big stress-free dividends. Learn how to set boundaries with family so you can experience the true joy of the festive season.
  • Beware the vicious circle – Children, as well as adults, can feel stressed during Christmas. Children often pick up on signs of your anxiety and they themselves can become stressed. This can lead to you feeling even more stressed. In short, a vicious circle where stress and anxiety feeds off each other. Try to hide the stress you feel, especially from children, as this may decrease the length of time you feel anxious.
  • Be grateful for what you have in life – No matter how stressful your family may be over the festive period, it is always good to be grateful for the things you have in your life. As one psychologist noted in his blog: “If you are reading this online, then you are alive, have access to the internet, and have at least some free time to surf the net”.
  • Remember that relationships are the most important thing we have – All of us need to remember that the Christmas feelings of joy and happiness come not from the gifts, decorations, food and drink, but from our relationships with other people. Christmas is about relationships – not only the relationship you have your family and friends, but also the relationship you have with yourself. If we make our close relationships the top priority, then the rest of the Christmas should fall naturally into place.

Dr Mark Griffiths, Professor of Behavioural Addiction, International Gaming Research Unit, Nottingham Trent University, Nottingham, UK

About drmarkgriffiths

Professor MARK GRIFFITHS, BSc, PhD, CPsychol, PGDipHE, FBPsS, FRSA, AcSS. Dr. Mark Griffiths is a Chartered Psychologist and Professor of Behavioural Addiction at the Nottingham Trent University, and Director of the International Gaming Research Unit. He is internationally known for his work into gambling and gaming addictions and has won many awards including the American 1994 John Rosecrance Research Prize for “outstanding scholarly contributions to the field of gambling research”, the 1998 European CELEJ Prize for best paper on gambling, the 2003 Canadian International Excellence Award for “outstanding contributions to the prevention of problem gambling and the practice of responsible gambling” and a North American 2006 Lifetime Achievement Award For Contributions To The Field Of Youth Gambling “in recognition of his dedication, leadership, and pioneering contributions to the field of youth gambling”. His most recent award is the 2013 Lifetime Research Award from the US National Council on Problem Gambling. He has published over 600 research papers, four books, over 130 book chapters, and over 1000 other articles. He has served on numerous national and international committees (e.g. BPS Council, BPS Social Psychology Section, Society for the Study of Gambling, Gamblers Anonymous General Services Board, National Council on Gambling etc.) and is a former National Chair of Gamcare. He also does a lot of freelance journalism and has appeared on over 2000 radio and television programmes since 1988. In 2004 he was awarded the Joseph Lister Prize for Social Sciences by the British Association for the Advancement of Science for being one of the UK’s “outstanding scientific communicators”. His awards also include the 2006 Excellence in the Teaching of Psychology Award by the British Psychological Society and the British Psychological Society Fellowship Award for “exceptional contributions to psychology”.

Posted on December 23, 2015, in Alcohol, Cigarette smoking, Gender differences, Popular Culture, Psychology, Work and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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